Tru Stories

WindSky

Chapter 5 - A Detour into Fear, Distrust, and Dogma

Note to reader: Now began a period in which I (Mana) was mostly struggling with my ego. During this time all kinds of issues came up for me, including fears about love, fear of giving my trust, and feelings of conflict about whether it was consistent with Christianity to have David as my teacher. Although I frequently told David that I intended to maintain an open mind, I had very little openness to him, or to learning the spiritual lessons that he offered me. I was gradually adopting a dogmatic way of thinking and being, and closing up my heart to him, and to all other sources of wisdom outside of the Christian religion. Periodically, I tried to be more open, but I was SO conflicted about it that I would quickly go back to being closed and distrusting, and even hurtful toward David. Finally, in my religious zeal, I cut off our correspondence entirely (though fortunately, not permanently). I have mercifully left out the bulk of these exchanges, because they are tiresome to read. This chapter begins a month after the previous chapter left off, as I am finally beginning to deal (somewhat) more honestly with my distrust.

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December 2002

Prior to the following exchange, David had called my attention to the

fact that I was misusing my religion to create distance between him and me. But in the midst of having that conversation, I came out with the fact that I was afraid of being abandoned (in this instance, abandoned by David). David dealt with those fears, and gave me the guidance and the reassurances I needed. That set the stage for these next letters:

Dear David,

I've never been that honest before, not ever. Even when I was a small kid, I was completely guarded. You've opened me up. That's what you've done. You held the key to my locked up heart.

My problem is that every time someone loves me and I love them I start thinking of reasons why they couldn't possibly love me. Like with you, here's how I was thinking:

"Surely he doesn't love me. How could he? He probably can't stand me. He just feels it's his duty to help me."

That's how I am with anyone I love. I think up stuff about why they would stick with me other than love, like duty or self-gain. It's really stupid, I know, but I didn't fully realize I was doing it. Thank you so much for helping me see. I now know that I need to accept that it's possible for people to actually just love me.

David, I really love you. I'm so sorry if I've caused you any pain or negative feelings. I'm sorry that I've taken such a big step backwards. The thing is that you've become so important to me that I don't really know how to handle it. But I really want to do right by you. I'm seeing now what an ass I've been for the last while. It hurts like hell, to see the truth about that, but it's worth it.

When I became a Christian, I gained a lot, but I lost a lot too. I threw away a great deal of what you taught me, and I didn't need to do that. So here I am, I've remembered what you taught me. Now I have Christ and I have you. Thank you.

With Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

Yes, you have Christ and me. And obviously, all of these apparently separate things are actually joined in what is referred to in the Bible as, "the mystical body of Christ." -- e.g, the entire interconnected universe -- with all things operating mysteriously and beautifully under God.

Below I have interspersed my replies between quotes from your letter:

MANA: Even when I was a small kid I was completely guarded. You've opened me up. That's what you've done. You held the key to my locked up heart.

DAVID: Part of that is, sensitive people have high standards, and they can smell a rat, even if they do tend to get a bit paranoid. And they know that what they really want is very hard to find in the marketplace. This tends to make them be very closed, and given to all kinds of testing. And then, of course, because they can feel that's a problem, they tend to over-compensate. The compensation is -- and I know this, because I did it -- they try like mad to give themselves to almost everyone, no matter how egoic. But, that has limited success, because at deeper levels, they can only go so far with that. Because no matter what they try to do, the standards are still there in the heart.

MANA: My problem is that every time someone loves me and I love them I start thinking of reasons why they couldn't possibly love me.

DAVID: Right. That's the ego's standard way of blowing it off. And again, this tendency is often worse in sensitive people.

MANA: Like with you, here's how I was thinking: "Surely he doesn't love me. How could he? He probably can't stand me. He just feels it's his duty to help me."

DAVID: Great. Okay, let's go through this real slow, my dear. Study this until you understand it through and through, in your soul, because it will help free you from a ton of junk:

I do feel it's my duty to help you -- and furthermore, I really hope that you feel the same way about me. But that is not so bad, in one way: actually, we should feel a certain "duty" to help those we care about. But you're right, if we just feel a duty, and we feel no real personal love, then the whole thing feels weak. It not only feels weak, it is weak! It's not meaningless, maybe, but almost meaningless.

But the actual truth is, I do love you personally. You -- the unique person that you are. So therefore, you see, I don't just have a duty -- I also have an actual love for you that goes way beyond mere duty.

And if I may get this in, now you know exactly why I emphasize personal love so much. I emphasize personal love because I know that until and unless someone loves us personally -- not just as another child of God, and all that, which is like duty -- we won't feel loved. Until and unless someone loves us personally, and we accept that deeply, there are parts of us that won't really heal. That is exactly where I deviate from the spiritual norm. As a matter of integrity, I follow my heart for real, and I invest personally in relationships with people that I personally love.

MANA: That's how I am with anyone I love. I think up stuff about why they would stick with me other than love, like duty or self-gain. It's really stupid, I know, but I didn't fully realize that I was doing it.

DAVID: Right on! Good knowledge, there. But, nothing to be surprised about -- that's the usual defense. And by the way, it is right to be defensive when we are talking about common culture. Common culture does run afoul of true love and the true heart of people all over the place. It's sad but true -- a lot of people are out for self-gain. The average person is, even.

At the same time, people who love you should want and expect great things of you -- including your love. Relationships should be mutual. Things should be given in both directions. Most people survive on minimal exchange -- not enough to fill a bird. What I call "high flow relationships" help and heal best.

MANA: I'm sorry that I've taken such a big step backwards. The thing is that you've become so important to me that I don't really know how to handle it.

DAVID: It is true that you don't know how to handle it. But why handle things so much? Without a doubt, control is an important value, but at the same time, being too controlling creates certain problems, and prevents certain solutions. It can be good not to think everything to death. It can be beneficial to go with the flow at times -- especially when it's time to really live.

I will be there for you as long as you are sincere and earnest, but I will always tell you the truth. It may not be the truth that people want to hear, but it is the truth I know is true.

Love,

David

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Although I had made a commitment to being open-minded, I was also still clinging to my fears and distrust. Within a few letters, my unwillingness to trust David came clearly into focus.

Dear David,

Yes, distrust is a big issue for me. I wouldn't have admitted it, but I know that I don't trust you completely. You see, I worry about following your guidance, because I'm afraid that it might end up leading me away from Christ. I am afraid that by accepting you as my teacher, I may not be sticking to the path that I am supposed to be on.

So I am tending to hold back, to watch and judge, and make sure that I'm okay, that this is okay. You know how dangerous it is to trust people.

I do actually trust you, more than I've ever trusted anyone before. But then, often I get worried about giving you even that amount of trust.

Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

Look: the truth is, you are going to trust something or somebody, no matter what. The important thing is to decide who or what to trust.

Trust your ego. Trust your minister. Trust your friends. Trust your personal relationship to Jesus. You can even trust your distrust, if you want. Whatever you trust, and whatever you follow, your life will be proof of what you are trusting in. That's how it is. But like I say, you can't get out of trusting, you see? It is just a question of who, or what?

The truth is, the effectiveness of my many hours of work with you depends on the level of trust you bring to the game. You are welcome to distrust me. Nobody can force you to do otherwise. But if you are actually committed to distrust, and not interested in overcoming it, then I must necessarily bow out.

If someday, you want to trust me, then I will be happy to help you. For now, I simply can't. No praise or blame. That is your choice.

Love,

David

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Dear David,

If I distrust you, it's not because I want to distrust you, it's only because I have no idea how to trust. Trust is hard. I want to see the truth, and I believe you hold a whole lot of truth, but you must realize that my trust in human beings is minimal. When I meet people, I immediately assume that I can't trust them, because people can't be trusted. Not because everybody is deceitful, but because most people are deceived (like I am). So you see, it's not that I think you're untrustworthy, it's that I don't know what trustworthy is. I've never known anyone to be trustworthy, and I tend to hold this belief that no human being is trustworthy (not fully anyway).

So when I say to myself that I can trust you, I also say, "What am I talking about? I don't even know what trustworthiness is."

Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

You said you, "tend to hold this belief that no human being is trustworthy (not fully anyway)." Yes, and yet, that is a case of a true observation misused. Obviously, you can use that to be distrusting of everyone on earth. But that is a sad position. It excludes you from receiving God's messengers in your life in the spirit that would make those messengers useful.

There is a point where trust doesn't just happen to you -- it is a commitment that you have to make. I trusted my teacher totally, because I knew that he was trustworthy -- unlike virtually everyone else. You are saying you have never known anyone to be trustworthy, and yet, in your heart, you actually know that I am trustworthy.

But as I said, this is absolutely your choice. I'm not going to try to sell you something you don't want. Do as you please.

Love,

David

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(a few days later)

Dear David,

I have been thinking a lot, and I have some things I need to say to you. You have taught me many things, and you are a wonderful teacher. The problem is that my faith is completely Christ based. I love you, I trust you, you are the closest friend I have in the world. But, I cannot let you be my teacher. I cannot and will not have that kind of relationship with you.

I know that this letter may hurt you. Please David, don't let it hurt you. This is not about you at all. These are simply things that I have to be clear about. This has been worrying me for a very long time, as you know.

I realize that this may seem like a very unkind decision. But, in this instance, I can't say that there is anything wrong with that. I think that one should think about others first; but when it comes to matters of belief and integrity, it is between oneself and God.

Because of that, I would like to step back a little, perhaps not write to each other for a while. What are your thoughts?

With Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

All of that is fine with me. That is what I myself recently proposed, actually. Clearly, you can't get what you need from me, anyhow.

It would probably be best for you to talk to your ministers about the things that come up, when you need to. At least you can be confident that they are in tune with your belief in Christianity.

I honor your decisions and I respect your will.

Best wishes,

David

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January 2003

(about 1 month later)

Dear David,

I had you on my mind today. I was just wondering how you were. Are you the same? Have you changed?

I've had such a wonderful journey. I feel so close to God. I'm in the most amazingly intimate relationship with Jesus. I can feel him with me when I wake up in the morning. I can feel him talking through me. He has me by the hand, and he is guiding me with his divine light. I like to talk to Jesus as I walk down the street, lie in bed, or sit in the classroom. He is -- and I know this sounds very cliché -- my best friend.

Anyway, enough about me. I want to know what you've been up to. I still love you, you know. I know it sounds weird, because we haven't spoken in a while, but you'll understand what I mean. I feel an incredible warmth towards you when you come into my thoughts.

Please tell me about yourself. Will you tell me more? I don't mean your life story or your beliefs. I know, to some extent, what you believe in. I want to know what you're feeling and thinking right now. I want to know about your humanity. Please tell me, if you will. I want to see it. You're seeing me now. True me. Stripped of lies and confused emotionalism. I want to see you when you're not talking to me for me. Not your beliefs, your convictions, or your spiritual discoveries. I want to see you.

If that's not acceptable to you for any reason, then please just tell me how you are so that I know you got the message. I'd be interested to know that anyhow.

With Love,

Mana

P.S. I had a birthday since I last wrote to you, so I'm 16 now.

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Dear Mana,

It was so nice to hear from you, I will forget my resolve not to write.

As for me, I am, for all my faults, a man of God. And as such, my life, my being, my love, and my purpose on earth -- these things are difficult, if not impossible, for me to separate.

My dear friend, you say you want me to present myself to you without my beliefs (and even, perhaps, without my direct experiences of spiritual Realities). I know you say that because you wish to dig deeper, to find that true closeness which "religious" disagreement prevents. But then, if you look clearly at what you sent, you will see that much of what you present as you is in fact your beliefs and spiritual experience. Granted, your reaching out to me, earnestly, and in a spirit of true intimacy and caring, is not that: it is spiritual affinity, and it is love. But the Jesus part of your testimony certainly is your spiritual beliefs, and your spiritual experience as well.

I honor and love your authentic spiritual experience, including, to be sure, your relationship with Jesus, which is authentic. It's the fear and the dogma that I object to. The trouble is, as you know, dogmatic beliefs tend to separate people from one another. And, as they separate man from man, they also serve the unfortunate purpose of separating man from God.

My purpose is to offer an iteration of spirituality that does not serve to divide, but rather to unite humanity in God. And clearly, there is, at this time in history, a great and pressing need for such unification. But you see, that unification won't happen through religious dogma or religious conversion. Spiritual unification will not happen through any particular belief, no matter how grand, excellent or true it may seem to those who hold it. Instead, spiritual unification can and will happen only when the real spiritual essentials are held above every form of religion and religious belief, and even above every form of spiritual practice.

Human beings will realize spiritual peace and harmony the moment dogmatic belief is subordinated to the spirit of the saying, "Love God with thy whole heart and soul, and love thy neighbor as thyself."

I am fully aware that what I teach, and indeed what I am, is, in the dogmatic views of Christian thought, idolatrous -- and therefore dangerous, misleading, etc. For that reason, as long as you subscribe to such beliefs, I have little hope for the creation of a satisfactory relationship between you and me. Unfortunately -- and this I so wish were not true -- until and unless your views expand beyond those traditional Christian concerns, everything I am and say will, almost of "spiritual necessity," be twisted. It will be interpreted by you and your fellows in a way that causes you to hold me at a distance.

My dear, you can understand why I do not relish that type of relationship, because truly, no one could. And yet sometimes, in the process of growth, divisions of this kind become temporarily insurmountable. The sovereign being would not suffer that the obstacles be removed, because of the feeling that the obstacles afford needed protection.

But I want a form of involvement with my friends that is not so sadly standoffish, not so limited, not so threatened by the pitfalls and problems that these dogmatic concerns invariably create.

In the future of humankind, belief will be replaced with the stronger and truer reality of spiritual gnowing. That progress will, at long last, bring to an end these artificial barriers between people, and allow for a much truer and soul-satisfying realization of heaven on earth. I'm working on that.

Love,

David

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Dear David,

Of course, as you suspected, I do disagree with you. I disagree that religion places distance between people. I believe that a true Christian can love one who is not a Christian with the love and intimacy that he would share with a brother. Some examples are the martyrs. While being tortured and beaten, they prayed for their oppressors that Jesus would save them, and that the love of God would touch them.

There should be no distance between you and me because of this. I won't lie to you, I would love to see you become a Christian; but that seems unlikely to me, so I didn't write to you hoping to change your beliefs. Beliefs, as you said, can be an obstacle, but not if you believe the truth. I would say that I know the truth, and that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light. You would disagree.

Has it occurred to you that you might be limited by your beliefs?

You believe it is divisive for me to say I am right and you are wrong. But it's not divisive to say that I know the truth if I do. You say it's limiting to be committed to one religion. I say it is limiting to not be committed to Christ. Do you have any openness to the idea that I might be right about that? If not, you are limited, because you are not open to something that could be good for you.

My only goal is to know God intimately, serve and love Him wholly, and eventually align my will with the will of God. And the will of God is that I love my neighbor, whether Christian or not. The whole reason that we Christians love to talk about Jesus so much, and go around trying to evangelize everyone, is that we love them so much that we want them to experience the love of God that we have.

You might say the same thing about me. I'll tell you the truth now: Everyday I face the possibility that Christianity may not be it. But I find the answer over and over again, that Jesus is my Lord and God. Even when I read your letter, I thought about it deeply, but I handed my thoughts to God for Him to take (as I tend to do with everything nowadays) and I felt a huge reassurance that I am on the right path.

I won't deny that for a long time the fact that you could be who you are without being a Christian made me skeptical about Christianity being the way. I found the answers to that question, and it has only improved my faith in Jesus Christ as my God and savior. To me, Jesus is calling you, drawing you to Himself.

Anyway, you can admit it or not, but you have beliefs that limit you just as you think I do. So, you can tell me that Christianity is divisive, if that is what you want to do. I will not object. I will not hide that I would see you become a Christian any day, but that is not what I wrote to you to discuss. I want simply to know you better, to understand you. And I would be happy to know what you have to share with me. I will not take your path, but I will listen, and I will not disregard what you say, because I know that you are not a liar or a moron. But I also know that your way is not my way. If that is what you mean by limited, then I must be very limited, but I don't think that is so.

This is meant to be a gentle letter, I really hope it has come across that way. I look forward to hearing from you again. It's always a pleasure to know what your eyes see.

God Bless,

Mana

(David did not reply to the letter above.)

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March 2003

(two months later)

Dear David,

How are you? Are you well? You don't have to write back, I suppose. But if you have a spare moment to just tell me in a few lines about how you are doing, it would be nice to know.

Love,

Mana

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May 2003

(another 2 months later)

Dear David,

Listen, I know we've had a bad run of events in our relationship. I know that I've been completely insensitive at times, but I want to apologize.

I'm really sorry if I caused you any pain. I just wasn't mature enough to handle you at all. At the time I didn't know too much about humility or love. I'm sorry. I know I must have really hurt you to make you stop writing back. There is a lot I said and did that I owe you an apology for.

I would like to be friends again. Write back if you want. But if you don't, then that's okay too. I'm strong now and I don't lose it so easily anymore. I won't break. This house is built on a rock.

If you don't write, then goodbye, I won't write to you again.

With Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

As long as your faith has space in it for real open-minded thinking, I can certainly be your friend again. I just have a problem when an open-minded person seems to suddenly crystallize around rock-hard beliefs.

Back in November last year you said several times, "I pride myself on being open-minded, and I always want to be that way. And even as I get into the Christian path, I want to stay open-minded. So please tell me if I'm not that." -- Well, as far as I was concerned, you reached the point where you were clearly not open-minded. And at the same time, you were too "sure/insecure" to be able to deal with that shift in yourself honestly. That is the characteristic of not being open-minded. You simply had your path, you were satisfied -- and that was that.

The place I got off was when you no longer bothered to deal with the things I said in my letters, even when -- or maybe because -- I went to a lot of trouble to explain things that I felt were both true and important.

You know, I am not in the habit of running into rock walls when I try to help someone I care about. Usually, my friends listen, and they respond, and they are more or less open-minded, and we have real dialogue. But you and I reached this ships-passing-in-the-dark place, where I would write ten things and you would address one thing -- and defensively, at that.

I didn't feel like we were communicating truly -- or even that we could communicate truly. Not, at least, as long as you were going to be a religious dogmatist. Even if you got really liberal in trying to hear me out, it seemed like there would still be a hard rock behind that embrace. A place where nothing can really penetrate. That's a non-valid exchange for me.

There has to be a chink in the armor someplace for a relationship to be real. That's how I feel. Otherwise, it's like me saying to you, "Hit me with your best shot, baby, cause you'll never make a dent. I'm a rock, and you're a squirt gun." Sure, there's something proud and strong about that, and if that's what you need to be, that's your business. But to me, when a person is really into being perfectly rock-like, and invulnerable, what can happen? Not much.

To me, a truthful exchange is not about throwing rocks back and forth, and seeing if anyone can be broken, and proving how perfectly unbreakable everybody is. That's not it at all. It's about thinking together, for real. That has nothing to do with proving things, or being invincible, and all that.

This is not meant to sound harsh on you, and I'm not holding you to all that. I'm just explaining why I stopped writing. I actually probably said most of this sometime before I stopped writing; but then, that was part of what you could not address at that time.

Most of all, I feel we have a deep and real relationship, which just went to the dogs for a while. After that happened, I tried to tell you what I thought a relationship means to me -- and how, as I felt it, we had lost that thread.

That's why I couldn't really respond when you said, sincerely enough, something like, "I care about you anyway. So, just tell me how you're doing." I felt your sincerity, but I just didn't want to be reduced to that. It felt too superficial. We had been deeper, and deep is where real things can happen.

As I said many times, there are things about you and your life that I will always cherish, and validate: the mystical relationship to God, the love of Jesus, the real faith, the walking the walk -- these things I love, and will always love.

But when you are hanging onto your religion for dear life, what can I say -- and what can I be? What can anyone say or be? They have to accept your idea of gospel as gospel, or get out. And I can't do the first option, it wouldn't be true.

Love,

David

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Dear David,

I was so happy to get your letter. There's nothing I hate more than a broken friendship, especially a friendship that has gone as deep as ours.

I'm still a Christian, but that doesn't mean that I won't listen to you. I know that you are logical and by no means untrustworthy, so I'll listen carefully. I can't promise that I'll get what you're saying, but I hope that I will.

There's one place where I'm not sure what you mean. When you said, "Even if you got really liberal in trying to hear me out, there's still a hard rock behind that embrace." I'm not sure what you mean by "a hard rock": the dogma, my insecurity, Jesus (although this is impossible because you cherish my relationship with Jesus, but you might mean my perception of him), or what? Tell me honestly, would you be happier if I wasn't a Christian? Don't worry, I won't turn around and bite you like I've done before.

I really want to be friends with you, David. You can tell me exactly what you think, and I will listen. And if I offend you, please tell me, because I'm still learning how to love. You know that I'm not perfect. I don't mean that in a way that is insecure, I just know that, and so do you. But I'm willing to keep trying.

With Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

You asked what I meant by the rock behind the embrace. The rock thing is when I run into a dogma that is held in an insecure fashion, and the person tightens up unnecessarily, because they are not yet truly secure, and therefore cannot be truly open. The terrible fear of being led off "the path" creates a rock-like hardness. Like, "No! -- you are going to ruin me!"

You asked:

"...would you be happier if I wasn't a Christian?"

You can be a Christian, but what's important to me is that you be Christ-like. It's the dogmatic perception of Jesus, not the love of Jesus, that I am referring to as a hard rock.

Anyhow, it's not even about beliefs, ultimately. It's about love, and respect, and trust. I've had the experience of great closeness with people of different beliefs, and of great distance with people of similar beliefs. Why? It is because of the security they had, or did not have. When the faith was deep, we could commune beautifully, as God would have it be. And otherwise, we could not, no matter how similar our beliefs were.

Okay, that's enough for now. Be at peace, little flower. God loves you, Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Love,

David

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Dear David,

In your last letter you said to me that I can be a Christian. I don't know if you really thought I was asking, but I wasn't. You may understand this already but I want to be sure: if I put you and Jesus next to each other, and I have to choose, then I will choose Him.

I'm not telling you this to protect myself. I just want you to know that I am not in this relationship to obey you, or to take instructions from you about what to believe.

I'm not saying that that's what you intended, I just wanted to state that this is the case. God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are in the control seat.

Please don't take offense or think that I'm trying to run away. I'm not, I'm coming forward in total honesty to be sure that we both know what's what before this relationship goes any further.

I'm ready for a relationship with you, and I'm ready for a close one, and I'm not willing to have a shallow relationship. But, I want this relationship, that I know will go deep, to be centered on Jesus. He is my Lord and I want him to be the Lord of all my relationships. If not, then there is nothing that is possible. I know that this relationship is going to be one that is spiritual; and since Jesus is my teacher and Lord, I won't enter into a spiritual relationship that He is not the head of. This relationship must be one that is given into Jesus' hands, so that he directs everything.

Will you accept this, that Christ be the head of this relationship?

With Love,

Mana

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Dear Mana,

You said:

"...you said to me that I can be a Christian. I don't know if you really thought I was asking, but I wasn't."

I absolutely knew you were not asking. I took it how you meant it: You were curious as to whether it was okay with me, and I simply said, or meant, that it was. My response was not at all to suggest that you needed my permission to be a Christian. That's absurd. I would never think that. It was only to address your question about my opinion on the matter.

You said:

"...if I put you and Jesus next to each other, and I have to choose, then I will choose Him."

This is some kind of overwrought defense. Or an attempt to establish ground rules in which you can feel secure. So be it. Anyhow, whatever this is all about, I assure you, it is not my will for you to choose between me and Jesus. That is insane.

I expect no one to obey me blindly, to the exclusion of God, or in contradiction to what Jesus would want. Whenever I give advice, I expect people to use their reasoning powers, their relationship to the Divine, and their actual experience to verify everything they possibly can. Anything less is stupid and counterproductive.

The real obedience is to what is Right. Jesus is about that, and so am I, and so is every truly good Christian.

You make your condition clearly, that Jesus should be head. But in practical terms, I think there is a lot of very reasonable room for questions as to the meaning of Jesus as "head of the relationship." This is not clear to me.

I believe you want to be head -- but that you don't see that. I do not believe you are capable of clearly distinguishing between what you think, and what Jesus would say to you if you could clearly hear Jesus' voice within you. Because of that, I am not willing to surrender to your illusions on that matter. I would rather surrender to Jesus than to your opinion of Jesus.

The feeling-awareness of true rightness grows in people -- as does the ability to regularly hear the Still Small Voice. It's a rare person who can clearly hear the Still Small Voice at all times. Therefore, a spiritually healthy person, while they will certainly pray to God for answers, will also have genuine humility about their ability to hear the Still Small Voice. And because of that, they will sincerely grapple with moral issues, with questions about what is true, etc. And, they will also have real considerations with real people, discussions they think are important and valuable in determining what is right. If a person lacks that humility, that is much more likely to be egomania than a right and true relationship to Jesus.

One safety net you have in life is the "by their fruits" thing. If you are not sure about something -- a spiritual prompting, or some advice someone has given you -- but you decide you may as well try it, it won't take long for you to find out whether it works.

Now, if after I've said all this, you still feel compelled to be all about limit-setting, then I have to assume there's no reasoning with you, and that you are unable to take me at my word for anything. If so, so be it.

Relationships are not war. Fear is of the ego. Love can be at peace. Human beings can be useful to one another, and in right and true alignment with God. Relationships can be a joy, in serviceful cooperation with God. The rest is simply short of the mark.

Love,

David

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Dear David,

Can I write back to you in 10 days? I'm not running away. I'm sure you understand. I need to pray and fast now. We are told to bring everything to God, and come before Him in prayer and fasting. I have a lot to come before God with. Too much has happened in the last week or so for me to keep track of. 

Luke 5:16, "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."

Be well.

Love,

Mana

_______________

Dear Mana,

I heartily support you in going to God. And if, after you have done your best to resolve any issues about me, you still feel unclear, I would find nothing wrong with taking time off again. That is not just about running away. It could be a very reasonable matter of biting off no more than what you can chew at this time, in order to maintain a steadier course. It is good to be honest and humble about that, always. So rest assured, you will not be judged as less by me in the case that time away from this relationship seemed to be advisable for you again.

It takes a lot of twists and turns in the road of life -- I have been through many more than I can count. But through it all, keeping one's balance is important.

May God's will be done!

Good luck.

Love,

David

_______________

(10 days later)

Dear David,

You won't hear from me for a while, but don't take it personally. I will write to you again in a couple of years, maybe. For now there are just too many issues that make it impossible for me.

Until then...

Love,

Mana

WindSky Chapter 6

WindSky - Table of Contents

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