Tru Stories


Chapter 2 - Loving through Crisis

Dear David,

Something has happened to my mom. When I woke up this morning she had gone to the hospital. I don't know what's going on. I only know that it's really serious. My dad wants my older sister and I to take the day off school and come to the hospital, but he thought my little sister was too young to be there.

Everybody is just sitting around so silently and I want to scream, but I'm calm and I feel as if I can cope. That has to be the biggest surprise yet. I feel like I want to throw up, but I am calm.

Do you think that God has been preparing me for this since we met? Before I was such a mess, I could have given nothing, but maybe now there's something I can do to make people feel better. You told me before to be strong and love. I feel like everything inside me is waiting to come out and kiss and hug everybody (spiritually).

What must happen now?




Dear Mana,

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. But remember, sooner or later we all die. The only question is when -- not if.


Bear in mind what is presently obvious to you in this moment of anxiety: life is ever so precious. Be kind to people, and always love them as if this was your (or their) last day on Earth. That is the way to live, period. Anything less is foolish and regrettable. Do this with your mother and father, first and foremost.

Yes, you have been well prepared for this present trial, however it may turn out. You have the right idea -- loving in your heart is right. But there is something else you can do now for your mom and your dad: the hugs and kisses are right.

You should kiss and hug your mom and dad now -- and not just spiritually, but also physically. Don't you want to be kissed and hugged yourself? Of course you do! Well, everybody needs the human touch, and so do your parents -- now more than ever. So, if they seem receptive to it, you should kiss and hug them physically. That will make a positive difference, especially if you do it with love.

Another thing you can give them with this physical contact, besides love, is energy. You have abundant energy in your body. It will be very stabilizing for you to give some of it to others, because the truth is, you have more than you can handle, or more than you need. But this big energy you have is a great asset, because people benefit greatly from energy.

Foot and hand massages are excellent. You can give a lot of energy even while giving a gentle massage. If foot massage or hand massage isn't possible, you can convey energy through hugs. If no physical contact is possible, then you can still give them energy. You just surround them with a bubble of love when you are with them, whether you are talking directly to them or not. That will provide them with a great deal more strength.

Be with your mom in the hospital if you can. Do whatever little things you can for her. Make her cards, with beautiful pictures you drew, with lovely colors. She will draw strength from looking at them.

Read to her if she would like that. Your voice will soothe her, and give her strength. Read her poetry if she enjoys it, or a book. Ask your father what poetry or books she likes.

He will need a lot of support, too -- to be able to carry the burden of caring for your mom. Nurturing sick people is exhausting. Nurturers need a lot of extra nurturing, so they, too, should be cared for -- not just the "patient." The more strength you give your dad, the more he can give your mom. That's how it works. So he is the key piece right now.

By the way: try not to pray to God to make things come out a certain way. There are some things that are beyond your control. And they are not even in God's control, really, because they have to do with other elements like free will, random coincidence, or laws of nature. It is not God's business to control all these things. God's business is helping us handle what happens. God's business is turning whatever happens to the best possible use.

So, instead of praying to God for a specific outcome, it is better to tell God that you will accept whatever has to happen -- and pray for guidance in how to help best each day. You will be informed as to what is best. Okay?




Dear David,

I've just spent a few hours at the hospital with my mom. I see what you mean about physical contact; my mom just wanted us to hold her hands. When I made the slightest movement, she would squeeze my hand, as if she thought I was going to leave. She couldn't talk much, because she was too weak. We kept talking to her about all kinds of things that we thought she might enjoy. Then at one point we stopped talking, and she managed to whisper, "Keep talking please."

The doctors sent her into an emergency operation about half an hour ago, and then my sister and I came home. She looked so white; it was scary.

Being with her was frustrating because there was so little we could do, but at the same time it was good because she needed someone there. There were so many little things for us to pay attention to, things which may not be important for her health, but they were important for her comfort. Sometimes her legs would move a lot, and then we would massage her. And her lips would get so dry that they started to crack up and bleed, so we had to watch them, to put lip balm on for her, because she was too weak to do it herself. We also had to pay attention to her body temperature, her eyes, and her breathing. Somehow we managed not to break down, or even think about doing so.

You know, David, the funny thing is, I don't feel the things I would expect to feel right now. I don't feel the devastation of it. I guess it hasn't quite hit me yet. I suppose that's a good thing, because there's really no room for me to feel depressed or anything like that. If everyone is depressed then there is nobody there to comfort them. I do feel something strong, but it isn't pain. I think it's love, but it's different from how it was before, because it's love for people suffering. It's different because it needs to be different. It has a different purpose now, and therefore I am feeling new parts of love that I didn't feel before.

Thank you for all your wonderful advice. I realize that my dad needs a lot of love. It's so clear to me now how much I love my family. I've never really known. It is obvious to me now that life is precious. I'll take your advice about treating people like it's their last day on this planet.




(A few hours later)

Dear David,

There is pain in love, so much that it's hard to bear. Until about 1 PM everything had this surreal quality about it that allowed me a certain control and space from personal emotion. This afternoon I found out that the operation was unsuccessful and reality hit me hard. All my relatives came to the hospital and we all cried together, because we thought she was dying, but then she pulled through the day and seems to be getting better. Even the doctors seem to think that it's a miracle.

My eyes are so sore now, every time anyone even looked at each other today we would cry. We still have to watch out, but she has a chance now. They are constantly giving her life support until her system becomes strong enough to fight for itself. My mom has really put up a good fight. It's amazing, really. I'm so tired now though, all that crying drained me out completely.




Dear Mana,

Yes, little flower, there are different kinds of love. Beautiful that you observed that. And although the suffering that inspires it is painful, the kind of love you just discovered is a beautiful kind, isn't it?

Here are some thoughts about the different kinds of love:

1. There is a love that responds to suffering -- the love you just experienced. It is compassion, understanding, and empathy.

2. There is a love that is loyal and faithful. This kind of love is often a love for security. But also, this kind of love can contain the higher human values of dedication, commitment, affinity, and trustworthiness.

3. There is a love that is desire and passion, that is circular. This love expands and excites, and fills the body completely. It makes you want to burst, or jump out of your skin, which is good. But there is a fork in the road with this kind of love: One fork is negative (ego) attachment to the beloved. That is painfully obsessive, possessive, and jealous. It makes people mean and foolish. The other fork leads to soul communion and God consciousness. It makes you strong, ecstatic, full, and generous. Which fork you take with this love depends on how you relate to your beloved. Are you loving as an ego, or as a spiritual person?

4. There is a love that feels into the bubble of God consciousness without passion, which results in soul unification and soul communion, or pure God consciousness.

In love number 3 and 4, you realize, among other things, that the beloved is the same as yourself, spiritually: "You are me." That is soul communion. You also realize that God is the love that both of you share, and that God is all around both of you. That is mystical.

5. There is a "love" that is for pleasure and release. This love is self-indulgent, and it comes from being so uncomfortable with energy and feeling that you want to dump energy, and drop down to a state of reduced feeling, reduced sensitivity, and lowered consciousness. This kind of "love" tends to make a person smaller, stupider, and dull.

6. There is a love that God pours through you. This love is the activity of God and the angels, serving others through you. You have very little to do with this kind of love except two things: One, it rarely comes unless you pray and really want to love as God would have you love. And two, it rarely stays for long unless you are willing to deliver God's mail. Loving this way, you serve God directly. You experienced this kind of love as a result of your first deep meditation on love.

7. There is a love that is God, or Being. This is the highest kind of love. This kind of love is everywhere at once. Therefore, it doesn't move -- it just is. It is free of everything in this world. Knowing this kind of love comes from strong spiritual discipline and prayer, and loving deeply, sincerely, over time. When you finally let yourself dissolve into this kind of love, it ends the illusion that you are an ego, and that you are separate from God. This kind of love is the realization of true spiritual enlightenment. It is where the river (me) merges into the Sea (God). Every person on the spiritual path flows into this kind of love eventually.

You can experience many of these kinds of love at once. And, that's good, because it makes you well-rounded. However, number 5 tends to be funky -- and the lower fork of number 3 tends to be problematical. But properly construed, even those can be used for good. Which goes to show, nothing is totally excluded from God and good. But with some things, you have to play real smart to stay on the path.

Example: A great king in India, King Janaka, was wealthy beyond comprehension, yet he was a fully enlightened, God-conscious man. Someone asked him, "With all this wealth and beauty all around you, how do you manage to be spiritual?" King Janaka replied, "It's simple: I am very careful and conscientious. If I was to tell you: 'Balance this glass of wine on your head, and walk all around my palace. If the glass falls, I will have my guards chop off your head,' then you would be as conscientious as I am always."




August 2002

Dear David,

It's 3:45 AM here. I've been trying to sleep, but I can't seem to relax enough.

Everything is so hard to understand all of a sudden. I keep thinking I know what's going on and how I feel about it, and then I discover that I don't really know anything at all.

I feel as if there are things I should be thinking and feeling right now, but I don't know what they are. I'm completely confused, and I want to ask you questions so that I can become clear again, but I don't even know what questions I need to ask.

I feel so mad. I'm not angry with God, or anybody in particular. Just mad. Nobody knows what will happen to anybody. Right now I wish that that was different. I'm praying to God to help me and everyone else accept the situation and whatever happens (as you recommended).

I just wish that you and me were in the same place right now. I know this may sound strange, but I want so badly to be able to hug you and cry on your shoulder.

Please just write to me about God and love and whatever you know to be most true. I don't really know where to start.

Thank you so much for everything,




Dear Mana,

Yes, the crying hug might be what the doctor ordered, but 'tis not to be. Love will have to do.

Look: For God's sake, you are going through such a big trauma, and it is so draining, how can you expect to feel great, or totally clear all the time? And of course, lots of deep change is happening too. That, too, can feel confusing at times.

It's okay to feel clueless when you feel clueless. Just don't over-exaggerate that, or over-invest in thinking over and over how messed up you are. Because that's like self-hypnosis. It makes you feel ten times more clueless than you really are. Mental discipline is needed there.

All you are seeing is this basic fact of life: Your consciousness goes up and down with your energy level. Every level of energy has its own set of everything -- its own kinds of beliefs, its own awareness, its own assumptions. When you are low, you tend to be more clueless and thick, and everything looks and feels a certain way to you then. In a higher state, you are more clear, and things make better sense.

What that means is, if you want to stay clear, you have to find ways to stay high -- in love, in energy, and in consciousness. Remember, the love you put out, or have in you, is what saves you -- not the love you receive. If you want super strength, you have to really love. And you need the strength that comes from every kind of love now more than ever.

The only thing we can do is... GO BACK TO THE DRILL:

1. Turn to God for strength.

2. Tell God you accept whatever will be.

3. Feel the strength of Love coming around and through you.

4. Love your parents in heart and body, however you can.

5. Let go.

6. Let God take care of things.

7. Get some sleep.

That's the whole deal, my dear. God loves you, and so do I!




Dear David,

Thank you for your advice. It was beautiful advice, good for the heart.

While I was reading your letter I had this amazing feeling, it was as if through reading your words I was hugging you (both physically and spiritually). I could see and feel myself doing it, but it's hard to describe because what I could see was not so much of a vision as it was the effect that an experience like that would have on my vision.

What does this mean? I know that I love you -- you don't and shouldn't have to tell me that. What I mean to ask is, what else does it mean?

I spent the night at the hospital with my mom. While I was there I found an amazing deep level of inner peace. It was there in my mom and in me. It seemed as if my mother and me were not separate at all, and God was definitely there. This love wasn't restless, but it wasn't lacking in energy, and I'm still feeling it.

This love experience came to me all at once, right when I needed it most. I think because I knew that I needed it, and really wanted it.

I see my problem is that I've made it a habit to be my ego-self in times of importance. That is changing, and it needs to change, more so that I can be total and complete love. I feel as if I am now. It's flowing through me ever so gently, connecting with my being. Everything that was there that was holding me back is disappearing.

I love everybody right now including you -- in fact, I love you especially, in huge proportions. I feel so much love for you. You're very important to me. Firstly, because I love you, and that is wonderful. The second reason is that I need you now. You are my anchor. And I feel as if I don't know how to need people. I'm going to have to learn, because everybody needs people and, of course, everybody needs God.

Again, thank you so much for your help.

Lots of love,



Dear Mana,

Your love experience with your mom, that sounded good. Love finds you and heals you if you call out for it, and if you love. You found that out. Love is a great and Godly mystery.

About the hug: I haven't a clear idea what you're asking. But I can say, the body and the spirit have a deep relationship. After all, we are spirits in bodies. That is why we experience spiritual things, sometimes, in a bodily fashion. And vice versa.

Also, as you grow spiritually, you expand beyond the body. For example, as you see, my words carry my spirit, and they also carry the Spirit that directs my spirit. So does everything I touch. These vibrations affect other bodies, in other places and times. And so, things are conveyed, both from body to body, and spirit to spirit.

Now, here is a hint: What loves you, raises you up in vibration. And also, what raises you up, puts you in closer touch with spirit. And that allows a deeper communication to happen -- and at times, various "mystical experiences." These forces awaken body and soul simultaneously.

Thanks for the beautiful hug.



P.S. I took the liberty of writing to your dad. Please make sure he receives the letter.


Dear Mr. Pretorius:

I am one of the people behind the Soul Progress web site, and I have been corresponding with Mana for a short time in response to her queries. I take the liberty to write you this morning, because I have heard a little about your terrible trials through Mana. My heart goes out to you, your wife, and your family. I know this is out of left field, and if you do not respond, that is okay with me. But I was inspired to write you a few words about Mana, and my involvement with her, so I am.

What I do with people I meet through the Soul Progress web site, generally, is encourage them to find their relationship with God, and improve their relationships with others. The people behind the site are a small group of friends -- ten of us -- who all participate together in this work. Most of us work full time at a regular employment, and do this work in our spare time. We are spiritual, not religious. Our interest is in what is universally spiritual -- such as love, compassion, and authentic, spontaneous spiritual experiences, like those your daughter has had.

Mana is a child of great spiritual potential, it seems. She has also been a juvenile delinquent, and a raging ego. But, she is a rather unusual child in that she is somewhat of a natural mystic. In my experience, that is ever so rare. And potentially, it is extremely precious. If she can avoid the pitfalls, she may be able to be truly useful in this world. She could be a beacon of light and love, even. It is this kind of usefulness that I would support in her, and in anyone, insofar as they were interested in it.

In response to her request, I am helping Mana to redirect her energies in constructive directions. I am encouraging her to stay out of trouble, to meditate, and to love all people -- particularly, at this time, you and her mother.

And also, I should say, to your possible terror as a parent, for some unknown reason I seem to care deeply about Mana. I have bonded with her to an unusual degree, and she seems to have bonded deeply to me. That makes our relationship personal -- as well as mere pen pal counseling, or what have you. That personal element, as much as all the rest, is keeping her head above water through this time. I have found that without personal love, many people simply lose hope. In that sense, I beg you to understand that despite her young age, the personal love element is real and important for her. And, most importantly, I hope you can trust that she is safe with me in any case. The ethics I maintain are of the highest caliber. With that in mind, I ask your permission to continue on with her in this spirit. I think that what we are doing is good and right, and will work out for the best as long as she lets it.

As you see, Mana is in the midst of making crucial choices that are potentially life-changing. There is no guarantee, obviously, on which way she will decide to go. But clearly, right now, the support she is getting from our correspondence may be her greatest hope not to get messed up, which as you know, she has a strong tendency to do. Let's hope she gets done with that, and stays done with it.

If there is anything I can do to comfort or strengthen you in this terrible time, please let me know. I will give support regarding anything I possibly can. I am no medical doctor, but I am keenly attuned to the needs of the human spirit. Try me if all else fails. Halfway around the world, I am here.

Best regards,



Dear David,

My dad has received your letter, and he showed it to me. He said that he thinks your assessment of me is accurate and he sees nothing wrong in our correspondence (i.e. he gives his permission for us to continue corresponding in this spirit).

Besides that, he didn't say much. Except that he thinks you guys sound a bit like the Krishnas in some ways (which I think was a positive comment).

Love, Mana

P.S. Let me know if my dad writes you back.


WindSky Chapter 3

WindSky - Table of Contents

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