The Difference Between the Yes Way and the No Way
Click for audio
David: We're gonna to talk about, today, the difference between the No Way and the Yes Way. And it's about change -- how to do it.
A lot of times you have a desire for a new life. And you may be making some efforts in that direction. But really, you may need a real new lease on life actually to have a new life. It won't be enough just to try some new things, or put a little more speed on the ball, a little more effort in.
You may very well need a new attitude. A new set of assumptions with which to live, in which to live. You may need a new way to go, and not just more going.
The old way, tried and blue, is No Way. One needs a new way, and it is Yes Way. It is an assumption that there is a way, and that I can do it. I, with the help of my friends, so forth and so on. I can do it.
For example, a lot of people have entered into relationship with the old way of thinking about relationship, but with more participation than they're used to. And done that for a while, and hit their head up against a certain mysterious wall, or set of limits that became tiresome. And then they eventually petered out. Right? In like a lion, out like a victim -- of one's own assumptions, really. Whether that's known or not, entirely.
But that is flirting with relationship itself, really, that whole thing. You see? And that flirtation lacks the kind of oomph, and intention, and assumptions that would be necessary for it to get any further than those excursions, those miniature adventures into relationship.
It would be like you're walking down the street. You see a bar. It looks charming, inviting, exciting, hideous, black. And so you stick your head in there, and you get a whiff (sniff, sniff). Smells like smoke and alcohol, and maybe a little vomit and urine. You know. And then you don't go in there any further. You go back out. How are you going to get drunk like that?
Group: You're not!
David: That's not gonna work. That's the No Way. You have to go into the bar. You have to sit down. You have to pay for five or six drinks, and get good and drunk, if you want the "in the bar" experience.
Now, it's the same with relationship. You don't just smell it. You don't just play around with it nominally, timidly, provisionally. You have to go in, and do it, you see, entirely. And in order to have that bold attitude of really entering into it you have to have the attitude that you can do it. That you can succeed. Because otherwise, you will naturally be timid in your approach.
So now we get to see that the attitude that you start with is the result you end up with. It determines the result.
And we can say, a lot of people fail because they don't do the work; they don't participate enough. But we could also say, even people that participate a lot, maybe even above and beyond the call of duty, may not get anywhere if their assumptions are stuck.
What about the Harold guy, the very insecure guy who gives flowers right up until she gets a restraining order? He was willing to do the work, wasn't he? He did a lot of it -- up until he got the restraining order. Apparently, his attitude let him down. You see? He had a No Way attitude, even though he was willing to work.
So you've got two kinds of people there standing by the Safeway. One says, "Will work for failure." The other one says, "Will not work for failure." Well, they're both going to fail.
If you take the No Way, you either don't work at all, because you realize there's no use. Or, you try and try, until banging your head against the wall, and frustrating, and not succeeding, before you get the message that if you keep it up, you'll probably get a restraining order, if anything. That might be your best result. Or at least your last result, inside the game. Till they throw you off a cliff for trying so hard, and so stupidly. Right?
So a person needs a new attitude to have change. It takes change for change. And the most effective form of change is inner change, change of attitude, change of belief, change of assumption about what can be. That's everything. That really is the whole game. The rest is just the outworking of the success that a person has already embraced internally. No bullshit. Really known. I can do this. Success is mine.
And what's interesting is, when you have hope, you have energy. It does take energy to succeed. It may take some work, some effort. And it's true that if a person makes the most middling effort, their chances of success are limited by that. But, get this: What about a fat slob crawling around all over the sidewalk of New York, because there's twenty dollar bills that got unleashed from the twentieth story window, all over the sidewalks? That person wouldn't normally do nothing, except eat potato chips and watch TV. This person is out there like a banshee, a fiend. What about the people who boringly picked away at their little gold mine in the Treasure of the Sierra Madre, or something, and then suddenly hit a vein? They were working six hours a day. Now they're working eighteen -- and with energy to spare, at that! Why? Because it's happening! That's why. It's not not happening.
They are on the Yes Way, and that unleashes infinite energy. The No Way depresses the spirit, and with it the energy. So to succeed, you need to be a passionate person, a living person, a person with energy, not a mediocre, tentative person. And you need to be committed to doing what you're doing. But to have all that, all you need is an attitude that success is for you. And that you're winning. With that comes the energy that you need. Everything else is in the package with the right assumption, truly. You see?
So this is why I say, what I'm selling to people who want to change is the idea of a new life. The idea of the possibility of a new life. That's all. You can take it from there. And you will succeed. Unless you give up that idea, in which case, you will fail.
So now, just in closing, here's the difference between the No Way and the Yes Way: In the No Way a person may or may not, but they can, possibly, move their bed and their pictures around within their five by eight prison cell. That's what happens when you keep your assumptions the way they are -- of inability, impossibility -- and yet, you work. You are moving things around within your prison. You can turn your bed upside down. You can put it up against the wall. You can put it to the other side. You can move all the pictures in different ways. And there you are: you have completely renewed your exact same prison cell, with its exact same dimensions.
Or, you can make a jail break. Or you can get out of the cell. That's the Yes Way. If you assume that you are free to change, and that you will succeed in relationship, that you will succeed in love, that you will succeed in life, then you can and you will, based on that. You'll have the energy and optimism necessary to do the work. But you will also have the attitudes that will allow that work to be successful. And then you will be out of prison. You will be free. Freedom is in here. Right?
So that's the Yes Way! "Yes, there is a way" is the way! And guess what, the No Way is no way. Now that's obvious, but that's what I get paid for, see?
You don't work within your limitations if you're smart. You get rid of them, and you work without them. Or you just enjoy a brief ride downstream in the beautiful current of life, while different chicks and stallions and studs swim over to your raft and climb on. And you're just there with your daiquiri and your parasol and your log raft, collecting applicants.
"That ain't working!
That's the way you do it.
Money for nothing and your chicks for free."
All right?